I had a very vivid dream last night, so much so that when I first awoke I had to figure out if it was real or not. I don’t remember all the specifics but I do now that I had a baby boy in it and it wasn’t Logan. I couldn’t see any distinct facial features but I knew he was mine. And at some point in the dream someone asked what he weighed and I said 4 lbs 1 oz. I cant remember specifically but I’m pretty sure he was early and defiantly a preemie at that size. I know my mom was in the dream and I think my grandma too. I don’t remember too much else but I know I was happy. Then I awoke and realized it was all a dream and it just set the tone for the rest of the day to be a tough one. I cried in the shower and several times at work as well. Yesterday was 19 months since Emma was born sleeping and Saturday will be 8 months without Logan. Once again I thought that by now I would be prego again and although each anniversary would be hard that somehow it would be easier to cope knowing there was a new life growing inside me. But that’s just a dream right now too. I feel like a broken record… I wanna be pregnant, I wanna be a mom to a living, breathing baby, I don’t want to be sad ALL THE TIME, I want to feel “normal” again. I JUST WANT WHAT SEEMS TO COME SO EASY TO EVERYONE ELSE!! A BABY!!
On a different note, I am going to see a different Dr next week. He is a chiropractor but also deals with emotional/nutritional things as well. My cousin who had a late miscarriage @ 19 wks a year or so ago, went to him b/c she was having a really hard time dealing with everything. He really helped her and she feels that he will be able to do the same for me. I REALLY hope she is right, b/c I need to find a way to deal with this better than I am now, and I WONT go back on an antidepressant. Not that I have a problem with them, but for me they just don’t do the trick. So anyway… I really hope this Dr. K can do something/anything for me. A little over a week and I’ll know one way or another. I keep trying to tell myself that the longer I wait to get prego the better it will be. My body will be more prepared. But I think it’s had long enough… time to get this show on the road. Time for a BFP and OUR rainbow!!! PLEASE LET APRIL BE OUR MONTH!!
On a different note, I am going to see a different Dr next week. He is a chiropractor but also deals with emotional/nutritional things as well. My cousin who had a late miscarriage @ 19 wks a year or so ago, went to him b/c she was having a really hard time dealing with everything. He really helped her and she feels that he will be able to do the same for me. I REALLY hope she is right, b/c I need to find a way to deal with this better than I am now, and I WONT go back on an antidepressant. Not that I have a problem with them, but for me they just don’t do the trick. So anyway… I really hope this Dr. K can do something/anything for me. A little over a week and I’ll know one way or another. I keep trying to tell myself that the longer I wait to get prego the better it will be. My body will be more prepared. But I think it’s had long enough… time to get this show on the road. Time for a BFP and OUR rainbow!!! PLEASE LET APRIL BE OUR MONTH!!
