I think of the rainbow babes like this... the rainbow after the storm of sorrow. We are suffering through the storm of sorrow when the universe lets up on the storm and we get a reprise in our sorrow, there is a RAINBOW. They do not "undo" or erase the storm they just make the enduring the storm a little more hopeful. Chris~ Mommy to ^Lucy^ & Danger

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Introducing Amellia Rose

Arrival at the hospital on 12/11/09
Welcome Amellia Rose

My first time holding her

The proud daddy- Look at that Grin
Our first family picture
Pappy & Nana- my parents
Her first outfit
With her Daddy

Time to go home

Happy (sad) tears

This is to officially welcome our precious baby girl Amellia Rose into the world. I am sorry that it has taken me a couple days to get this post up, I know many of you have been waiting for it. Life is kinda hectic with a newborn around. But I love every minute of it, even the middle of the night feedings. So here is her birth story and some pictures. I will try to keep this updated with what is going on, but not sure how much I will be able to get on.

Friday December 11, we had to be at the hospital for induction at 6 am. We were immediately shown to our delivery room and got settled in. They checked me when I first arrived and was at almost 5 cm already, but she was posterior or facing up rather than down. By 7:30 am Pitocin was started. They checked me again at 9am and I was close to 6 but not a lot of change. Contractions were about every 3-5 minutes but not very intense. Dr. said they would be back in an hr or two to break my water which should get things moving. A little before 11:30 am, Tommy and I were just getting ready to try to get some rest thinking we would have several hours till anything happened. But that didn't happen. Dr came in and broke my water at 11:30 am. The very next contraction was awful, and before it was even over I said I want an epidural NOW!! The Dr was called. It took about 15 min for him to get there and get set up. Meanwhile each contraction was worse and worse and closer together. I was breathing through them but barely. Finally at 12:05 pm the epidural was turned on. He stayed for a few minutes wanting to make sure it would take effect. It took the edge off but I still could feel them on my left side. So he had me roll on my left side to help it start working over there as well. Just as it was seeming to be working a bit better, the Dr came in and wanted to check me again for any further progress. She immediately said YOUR 10 CM, SHE IS TURNED AND ITS TIME!! Tommy and I just looked at each other as they all started running around getting everything ready. He text my family in the waiting room. And told my mom to hurry up and get in there. The next contraction they had me start pushing. I did a series of 3 pushes for each contraction, 4x and she was out. Born at 12:41 pm. An hour and 11 minutes after they broke my water. 6 lbs 5 oz 19 1/2 inches long. A full head of dark black hair, and perfect in every way. She had to have a little oxygen and be warmed up for a bit but otherwise she was fine. Her apgars were 8 and 9 (out of 10). I didn't get to hold her for about 45 minutes which was hard, but at the same time it just felt like a dream and I was in shock I believe as well. We had our rainbow baby!! When she was first handed to me I cried. It was happy, relieved tears. At that moment I fell completely in love for the 2nd time in my life. I kept asking Tommy to pinch me b/c it had to be a dream. But it was real and she was in our arms. Safe and sound after a long 9 months of stress, worry and doubt at times. By 3:30 pm I was moved to a new room. Amellia was brought in all bathed and looking beautiful. I loved watching her daddy hold and cuddle her. He had the biggest grin on his face. I also loved seeing my parents, Pappy and Nana with her as well. I was in the hospital all day Saturday and then release Sunday late afternoon. As we were leaving the hospital my emotions once again got the best of me. I flashed back to the previous two times leaving the hospital with only a box in my lap. This time I left w/ a car seat with my precious little baby girl in it. They were tears of joy mixed with the emotions of our two losses.

I find my emotions and feelings are very much intertwined between this new baby and our two that didn't make it. In fact I see so much of Logan and some of Emma in Amellia. I am so sad they arent here as well, but so thankful that Amellia did make it. So for all you deadbabymama's out there don't give up even when it seems as though there is no hope. Find a Dr that will help you to find answers and who wont give up until you bring your precious rainbow home. I hope and pray that each one of you will get to have this feeling. It was a long, hard, sad road but the end is perfect in every way. I will always miss my Emma and Logan and Amellia cant replace them, but it certainly makes the grief just a bit easier.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Its here... finally after a long 258 days of being pregnant, stressing over every little thing, and over 420 self injections. WE ARE DOWN TO LESS THAN 12 HRS TILL I AM INDUCED!!! I had an amino this morning and after an NST to monitor for contractions and an exam, we were told her lungs are ready. The low number they are looking for is 47, her's came back 108!! Dr said that was great!! I am also 4 cm dilated. Only bad thing is she is posterior and needs to flip. So tomorrow when they start the Pitocin and get the contraction rolling hopefully she will flip on her own but if not they will do a c- section. I don't care either way.. just so she is here safe and sound.
Its completely surreal... its really going to happen this time. Our little girl will be here tomorrow. I will actually take this baby home. WOW!!! This is such a long time coming. And we are almost there.. EEEEHHH!!!
Oh and its our 4 year anniversary, and we got the best present we could ask for. Love you Tommy!!! XOXOXO
I want to say thank you for all of your support, love and encouragement. I hope I can return the favor in the future to each and everyone of you. Next post should be pictures of our little princess Amellia......

Friday, December 4, 2009

One Week ~ 36 wks tomorrow

One week and Amellia could be in my arms. Its finally beginning to hit me. It really (might) happen this time. I am afraid to be certain, for obvious reasons. I had an additional NST/OB check today just because. Everything looked great. She is still very active, although the kicks/jabs and rolls are getting more painful. But I still love every minute of it :D So after looking at the schedule for my amino next week, they decided to move the amino back one day. So I will have the amino Thursday morning. It could take up to 3 hrs for the results. If her lungs are ready then they will admit me to the hospital that night and get me started on medicine to soften/ripen the cervix. Then first thing on Friday morning they will start Pitocin and get things rolling. So next week at this time I could have my little princess in my arms.... Just gotta make it less than a week and cross the next hurdle of whether her lungs will be ready. PLEASE LET THEM BE READY!!!! I don't think I can handle being told me have to wait another week. Let this last 6 days be enough and her lungs be developed and ready for the outside world. PRETTY PLEASE!!!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Two Weeks

Two weeks till we meet our princess Amellia, as long as her lungs are ready. 35 weeks tomorrow! WOW!! I can hardly believe how close we are. So close, yet so far at the same time. Everyday I am just thankful that she is still moving and kicking. Every Dr appt I wait for another great NST and for my blood pressure to be good and so far that is exactly what has happened. I just wish I could relax this past 2 wks but its just not possible. Every morning I "hold my breath" until I feel her first kicks and movements. And then say a quick prayer of thanks when she does. I am going to stay w/ a family member that lives less than 10 min away from my Dr's office this coming Tues and will stay w/ her until this little one arrives. (Currently I am 1 hr and 20 minutes away.) I am happy that I will be closer to the Dr, "just in case" I get a bad feeling and I also will have 2 appts the next 2 wks. again just for my peace of mind. Peace of mind- I just wish I could let myself relax and enjoy my last 2 wks prego w/ this precious baby girl. I am looking forward to being away from home although I will miss my hubby and "kids" our dog Maggie and cats Charlie and Oliver. However it will be nice to not be worrying about things around the house and just put my feet up and read a book or watch a movie. So 2 wks and I will be "holding my breath" the whole way. Please let this baby girl come home and be healthy!!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

32 1/2 weeks.. 30 days to go :D

Today marks 30 days till we meet this little princess... WOW!! Hard to believe. We had an awesome report at the Dr yesterday. Amellia is almost 5 lbs which means she gained almost 2 lbs in the last month. So her growth is great!! And she has lots of hair on the ultrasound :) She also scored a 10 on her NST according to the nurse. The Dr is very happy with everything and truly feels as though the shots are the key this time around. So one month to go...

My nerves are up and down. Every morning I still hold my breath till I start to feel her move and get her kick counts. My mind plays tricks on me.. are you sure you felt her move in the middle of the night or did I imagine that?!? Its defiantly still a daily struggle with my emotions. I am grateful that she is very active and if I notice even the slightest change I will be at the Dr's getting checked. Please help me stay sane for the next 30 days...

On another note they switched me to the Heparin. It defiantly isn't as user friendly as the Lovenox but I am getting the hang of it. It doesnt come in a pre -filled syringe and the needle isn't as smooth and easy to use but hey whatever it takes. Oh and the medicine burns a lot more but again no complaints here.

So 30 days till we meet our Amellia Rose and we cant wait!! :D

Thursday, November 5, 2009


So I had another fantastic appointment on Tuesday. Amelia passed her NST with flying colors so to speak. The Dr couldn't have enough good to say. I was on for about 25 minutes and they are looking for 3-4 nice accelerations in her heart rate followed by back to a baseline. She had 10 in that amount of time. I said that doesn't surprise me because she is very active which I am so thankful/happy for. We have another NST this coming Tuesday as well as an ultrasound to see how much she has grown in 4 wks. So excited to see my little princess again :D OH AND THE BEST NEWS....

I am scheduled for an amino Friday December 11 and if her lungs come back developed they will induce the same day!!! YAY!! So the countdown has begun... 36 days till we meet our baby girl!!

I am so happy and excited but still scared. So just taking it one day at a time..
Here's me during the NST on Tuesday. My mom (Nana) is documenting everything :D

Friday, October 30, 2009

31 wks

31 weeks tomorrow :D Wow.. that means in 6 weeks or less our baby girl will be in our arms. I am feeling really good and different about this pregnancy, I cant explain it exactly. I guess I really am starting to feel like the shots are working and that things will be different this time. BUT then my mind starts to wonder and I realize that 6 wks is still an eternity when you have had 2 losses. It doesn't help that we lost Emma at 31 wks. That thought defiantly keeps creeping in, but then I remind myself that Amelia is already a good pound or more than her sister at this point gestationally. I also try to focus on the fact that Amelia is very active and even has the hiccups at this very moment. I keep reminding myself things are different this time. But I am still scared. Thank goodness for weekly appointments and my wonderful awesome team of 4 high risk Dr's that calm my fears constantly. I have to continue to have faith and believe that we will bring this rainbow home. So I will keep moving forward, getting her room ready and counting down the days till we meet her and at the same time be grateful for every moment I get with her.

Here are a few pregnancy shots my mom took of me last week. Its something I meant to do with the other two and never did, so I am making sure we take lots this time. Enjoy :D