I think of the rainbow babes like this... the rainbow after the storm of sorrow. We are suffering through the storm of sorrow when the universe lets up on the storm and we get a reprise in our sorrow, there is a RAINBOW. They do not "undo" or erase the storm they just make the enduring the storm a little more hopeful. Chris~ Mommy to ^Lucy^ & Danger

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I have my hope back. I met an amazing high risk Dr. who was FINALLY able to give us answers. Dr. T comes in and immediately he says wow you have been through so much, I am so sorry. Oh by the way my mom was with me. We were both impressed that he acknowledged that first thing. He then went on to take about my pregnancy with Emma and right away he says your daughter did not pass b/c of a "true knot". Knots alone are not fatal to babies. WHAT??? For over a year I have believed that a "knot" took my precious Emma from us. He went on to explain that it was also a placental problem. He explained the cord like a fire hose and that even if the hose get a knot, water can still get through. Same is true with Emma. What did cause the problem is I had a bad placenta with multiple infarcts and micro clots. My placenta was unhealthy from day one. He also believes that had I gone any further with Emma I would have developed preeclampsia. He explained there are 4 major obstetric disasters that can happen. I have 3 out of the 4 that have happened to me. He also explained that Emma birth weight of 2lbs, 3 oz was about a month behind where she should have been. All of these point to placental problems. And the same goes for my pregnancy with Logan. Ok so what do we do?

First Dr. T is 80% positive that I DO have a clotting problem its just a lot more complicated than the basic ones I was tested for already. The clotting problem that he believes i have is not tested by most Dr's. It is something new and b/c they are a high risk associates hey deal with it all the time. The Latin term he used is "thromophilia" which means clotting lover. So basically with this problem all the odds were against me with both pregnancies. So then I ask the obvious question.

CAN I GET PREGNANT AGAIN? YES. What will we do next time so that we have a healthy, LIVING baby? First step is more blood work to confirm what he believes. And regardless of what comes back next time I will have to do shots of Lovenox 2x per day in the belly. He also feels that I have
MTHFR- which means that I need additional folic acid possibly for the rest of my life, not while just pregnant. I will be monitored constantly. And if they feel there is the slightest problem, they will give me the shots to develop the babies lungs and take him/her by c-section asap. He has every confidence that we will get our baby. He even had agreed to work with my current local OB, so that I have someone close as well.

So then I asked what his recommendation is for when we can try again. He said he had a below the chin answer and an above the chin answer. The above the chin, my body is ready in 3 months. But with everything else we have gone through he recommends 6-12 months. I was ok with hearing that, b/c well 3 months would be next week and I don't feel that I am ready. So waiting is ok, at least for today. Tomorrow I might feel different but that is the road of being a deadbabymomma.

So Tommy and I talked last night and I asked him to give serious consideration to trying at the end of February, beginning of March. If we get pregnant right away again, that would put our due date November/December 2009. He said he will give it a lot of thought. He also asked that I try to get myself back into shape while we wait. At first I took his comment as hurtful, even though I know he didn't mean it that way. But I have had sometime to think and I know he is right. So its time to focus on me and taking care of myself so that i can be in better shape for when we do get pregnant again.

So I have a glimmer of hope. And that is a good thing. I want to say thank you to so many of my fellow deadbabymommas who had suggestions as far as seeing a specialist and so forth. If I wouldn't have found Dr. T, there is a good chance we would have dealt with the pain of loss once again. So thank you.


Monica H said...

So So glad you found a caring doctor who is willing to treat you and found the root of your problems. I pray this works and you bring home a living baby next winter.

Ya Chun said...

IT is so great that you found a thorough doctor.

I too want to get into some kind of healthy state and try to TTC after February. MY body and my heart need to heal as much as they can before carrying another baby.

We'll keep each other on track...

Nana to Dillon said...

What great news. My daughter also had placenta issues. She lost 2 precious little ones and then went on to deliver a healthy daughter in the 36 wks. They also gave her lung maturity shots when they determined that her placenta was looking aged on ultrasound. You will want to surround yourself with a great support team, as a future pregnancy will stressful as you already know. My daughter used to say that she felt like a time bomb that was ticking. They told her at 32 wks that the placenta wasn;t looking too good and ordered the shots. ANd then watched her closely (2x wkly NST/BPP) and then determined at 36wks it was time. Baby did wonderfully and will be 2 yrs. old on Halloween. I am so happy you found this high risk dr. ANd my daughter had lots of extra reassurance apt. You need to feel ok about going in for reassurance. After all, getting a healthy baby is what is important. Good luck to you and Tommy.

Monica H said...


I saw their names in the sand, and they're beautiful :-)


The Greco's said...

I'm glad that you got some concrete feedback on the reasons for losing your precious babies. As much as it doesn't bring them back, it is comforting to know what really happened. And it will hopefully help you feel more confident going into another pregnancy.

I too have stopped taking as good care of myself as I used to. After losing a baby, it's very hard to get motivated. And you've lost two babies so even more reason to not care anymore!

I think about you a lot and am glad you finally wrote. I check your blog frequently.


theviewfromthisplace said...

congratulations on this news. after meeting with a specialist my husband and i had renewed hope. i am so sorry that you had to find out this way...but at least you did. some never do. my husband and i are leaning heavily toward taking a break and my concentrating on my career.

Supermom In Training said...

I am so, so happy to see a little light glimmering for you guys. There's been this piece of my heart darkened since Logan passed and I feel like someone just lit a little candle of hope in there. Corny, I know. I'm sure you guys are feeling a million times more than that now. Glad to hear this great news. Can't wait to hear updates!

Meghan said...

This is absolutely wonderful.
It reminds me so much of what happened with us and right when our specialist looked at our file he said "I am sure you have a clotting disorder due to the shape your placenta was in" because my placenta had a ton of infarctions, etc. After they tested me they found I do have APS and I have been on Lovenox shots (twice a day) my entire pregnancy.
This is wonderful news.
xxxxooooo Meghan

CLC said...

I am glad you got some answers and have a glimmer of hope! Dr. T sounds great. I have one copy of MTHFR, but I am told that it's when you have 2 copies of it that problems can occur. I am glad he is looking into all of this for you.

CLC said...

Just curious, didn't they test for thrombophilia after your first loss? If not, what did they test you for, if anything?

Olive Lucy said...

manda- i am so glad you have answers... like the previous commenter i am surprised they didn't test for the various thrombopheilas after emma died... but i am Glad they are doing it now.

Eric, Lori and Corban said...

I am so glad you found a doctor that first acknowledged your losses and then was proactive on doing something about preventing future ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I pray that you will find a solution and that one day you will be able to hold and bring home a healthy, living baby!