25 1/2 wks... 12 or less to go!!

I am happy to say I am 25 1/2 wks as of today!! We had a really good report at the Dr's last week. For one we are definitely having another little girl :D and secondly Amelia was 1 lb 13 oz. Which they said is in the 57th percentile so they were happy all around. I was thrilled to hear she was that size b/c Emma at 31 wks was only 2 lbs. 3 oz. So seems as though the shots are doing there job. My appointments have been moved to every 2 wks. Mostly for my own sanity. Amelia is starting to be very active certain times of the day mostly morning (when I want to sleep in) but I am so happy and grateful for every kick and movement. We have less than 12 weeks to go until we can meet our little girl.. I know that doesn't seem like that long but some days it feels like an eternity. But once again just taking things a week at a time and every time we get a good report from the Drs. I feel a bit better as well. I even managed to buy her a bathrobe and a little outfit w/ cherries on it. And I am thinking that next week it is time to pack up all the boy stuff and re access what we have. WHEW.... I feel really good this time BUT there is always that lingering doubt in the back of my mind. DH has started to talk about Amelia and all the things he is looking forward to doing with her. I want to go there but am afraid. But just for today I will be happy to be this far :D

Two Years...

WOW.. can it really be 2 years since all of this craziness began that has now become my "normal"?!? Two years ago I awoke with a bad feeling.. Emma was always one to not let me sleep in because she was hungry but this morning I awoke at 10am. I laid in bed poking my belly waiting for her to respond with a kick. NOTHING.. I don't remember how long I waited but I called the hospital (b/c it was a Saturday) and started crying just trying to get the words out to the nurse. She said just come on over and we will check everything out, its probably nothing. I also remembering sitting in the office downstairs getting registered. I was 31 wks so I wasn't yet registered for when I would give birth. I answered all these questions and just hoped in the back of my mind that everything would be ok. They got me upstairs and down for monitoring right away. And then it started... The nurse had trouble finding Emma's heartbeat, several nurses tried but to no avail. After the first 10 minutes they tried to get ahold of my OB but he was out of town, so the on call Dr was called instead. After 30 minutes of them trying I just new that something was terribly wrong. My fears were confirmed when the on call Dr, Dr. M did an ultrasound and had to tell me there was no heartbeat. I am so sorry! I lost it, broke down in tears... how could everything go so wrong so quickly. I had a perfect pregnancy with no problems and then BOOM she was gone. The rest of the day was a blur, I was induced and at 7:22 pm our firstborn, our perfect 2 lb 3 oz baby girl Emma LaRue was born. We said hello and goodbye at the same time on that awful day 2 years ago today.

Two years, 2 pregnancies, 2 losses and now expecting our 3rd child, holding my breath that this time is the "charm" and this little girl comes home. But no matter how much confidence I have in my Drs and their "plan" this time there is always the fear and dread of being in this same place yet again. I want to get excited and buy cute little girl outfits, and get her room all ready BUT I am frozen with fear.. I cant go through having to pack up all that stuff once again!! I am trying to just focus on the fact that I am still pregnant and she is almost viable. One week at a time...

Emma my love you will always be my firstborn. I will never forget all the "firsts" I experienced while pregnant with you. I am so thankful to have loved and carried you for the 31 wks I did. I will always miss you!