I think of the rainbow babes like this... the rainbow after the storm of sorrow. We are suffering through the storm of sorrow when the universe lets up on the storm and we get a reprise in our sorrow, there is a RAINBOW. They do not "undo" or erase the storm they just make the enduring the storm a little more hopeful. Chris~ Mommy to ^Lucy^ & Danger

Friday, November 7, 2008

Results...Frustration... Moving Forward

So the results are back... All normal, all negative. WHAT? I should be happy that I'm ok and don't have a clotting disorder. But here I am back at the "beginning", no answers and still in the dark as to why I have had not one but two stillborns. When the nurse called me I said Really? And she says that's good news, right. I said yeah I guess but frustrated and back at same place I was. I just wanted a reason, something to explain why they both were lost. But it wasn't to be. I got off the phone and the tears came. I guess we may never know exactly what happened. After work I went to my parents and just my dad was home. We sat and talked for a bit. It was nice to see him. I text my mom and told her the results and how I was very frustrated. She called me right away and calmed me down and made me feel a bit better. We talked about how Dr. T said that no matter what my results we would treat as if I have a clotting problem as a precaution. Then she said something really interesting. Her and my dad have been doing all sorts of research and even went so far as to check into complications from birth control. They came across a mention of it possibly at time causing thromophilia or clotting problems. She isn't saying that is what happened. But she has a really interesting theory. What if I did react or have a problem with something in my birth control that I was on before we got pregnant with Emma. And maybe it did cause a clotting issue but as time passes it gets better and maybe that is why I carried Emma to 31 wks, then Logan to 37 wks. and maybe next time it'll be ok. I realize that I will probably never know for sure but maybe I'll find some research or someone will read this and say something they know about it. Who knows? In reality we will probably never know exactly and I may have to live with what happened and not knowing the rest of my life. SIGH... Just another thing...

On a different note a fellow deadbabymamma lost again. She was pregnant with twin baby girls and due to an incompetent cervix she lost them. I feel so bad for Jenelle and Rob. I know all too well what they are facing. Her blog felt as though the words were written by me. I just really hope that we both get our rainbow babies one day along with all my other mamma's that have loved and lost. (((HUGS))) to all of you!

7 comments:

Nana to Dillon said...

Manda,

Just wanted to let you know that a women in our local support group had 2-2nd tri losses and all blood test came back OK for clotting. She went to a high risk OB and they decided to treat her like she had a clotting disorder and she had to give herself daily shots of heprin and now has a beautiful daughter. I guess I am telling you to go in and talk with the dr. and see what his plan of action is. So sorry you didn't get any answers. Keeping you in prayer.

Ya Chun said...

We haven't gotten any answers either, after gallons of blood has been extracted. We are also going to go with maximum preventative treatemnts, aspirin, vit D, super high folic acid and maybe hep shots.

tonieo18 said...

Mandy
Sorry you didnt get any answers... I am praying for you guys, You need to be healthy and give your body some time to heal before you are pregnant again... I know it is hard to wait... But good things will happen for us. People are only given what they can handle...
TLC

Monica H said...

I've got a stone for you...I need your address!

mrsmuelly said...

Oh this is sad. I was really hoping that the doc had found the "answer". Like you said, I guess it's good that you don't have the clotting disorder, but it's another dead end. Maybe there is another specialist? Or maybe th BCP idea is the one? I just don't know...

So sorry to the new deadbabymama. Will you post her blog, or send to me in email, please?

missing_one said...

oh hon, I am so sorry. I can't even imagine going through this again like you are having to do. My heart just goes out to you.

I also agree with Nana in that, even if the tests don't come back for clotting , you could do the baby aspirin and extra folic acid just in case, since most agree that it doesn't hurt.
not that you are necessarily ready to go there again....
this just so sucks. I can't really believe you have to go through this twice...you are so brave

*hugs* thinking of you

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