So its currently 6am and I have been up for over an hour cause I cant sleep. So I thought what the heck I'll come on here and post about the last 2 days. So first Friday...
As usual mornings are so hard. The waking up and bam the reality of what is hits you. So I had my cries and finally left the house about 1pm. Yea, it took that long. So first I had to go to the hospital to have blood work to test for the clotting disorder. They took about 10-12 tubes of blood. And I HATE needles. So the poor nurse as soon as she pricked me, I burst into tears. She asked if she hurt me and before I could stop myself I said, no I just lost my second baby at term. She was so sweet and kept saying how sorry she was. I cried through the whole thing but it was good in one way cause I wasnt even thinking about what she was doing. Last time I had to have several tubes taken I almost passed out. So then I left the hospital and had to go get some stuff at the store. The first store went ok, meaning I held it together. Second one as soon as I get in the door I ran into my good friend and her little girl Lilly. Before I know it she asks me to keep her for a bit while she runs up to a costume shop b/c she was afraid last time she took her. She did ask if it was ok, but ever feel like even if you wanted to you cant say no. Kinda how I felt. But again it went better than I thought, she kept me busy and I couldnt think about everything else. I did run into one of the nurses from my OB office, she was asking how I was doing and so forth. Lilly heard me say about losing a baby and after we were done talking she said you lost another baby. And I said yes remember when Logan was in my tummy, while he's gone just like Emma. Then she pointed to my necklaces and I said I wear 2 hearts one with each of their names. Kids understand so much. I made it out of there and to my car before I broke down. I figured that wasnt too bad for being out in public for the first time. Spent the rest of the evening with Tommy and our "kids" Maggie (black lab) and Charlie (my kitty cat).
Charlie & Me
Tommy & Maggie
As usual mornings are so hard. The waking up and bam the reality of what is hits you. So I had my cries and finally left the house about 1pm. Yea, it took that long. So first I had to go to the hospital to have blood work to test for the clotting disorder. They took about 10-12 tubes of blood. And I HATE needles. So the poor nurse as soon as she pricked me, I burst into tears. She asked if she hurt me and before I could stop myself I said, no I just lost my second baby at term. She was so sweet and kept saying how sorry she was. I cried through the whole thing but it was good in one way cause I wasnt even thinking about what she was doing. Last time I had to have several tubes taken I almost passed out. So then I left the hospital and had to go get some stuff at the store. The first store went ok, meaning I held it together. Second one as soon as I get in the door I ran into my good friend and her little girl Lilly. Before I know it she asks me to keep her for a bit while she runs up to a costume shop b/c she was afraid last time she took her. She did ask if it was ok, but ever feel like even if you wanted to you cant say no. Kinda how I felt. But again it went better than I thought, she kept me busy and I couldnt think about everything else. I did run into one of the nurses from my OB office, she was asking how I was doing and so forth. Lilly heard me say about losing a baby and after we were done talking she said you lost another baby. And I said yes remember when Logan was in my tummy, while he's gone just like Emma. Then she pointed to my necklaces and I said I wear 2 hearts one with each of their names. Kids understand so much. I made it out of there and to my car before I broke down. I figured that wasnt too bad for being out in public for the first time. Spent the rest of the evening with Tommy and our "kids" Maggie (black lab) and Charlie (my kitty cat).
Charlie & Me
Tommy & Maggie
Ok so its now after 7am and I can barely keep my eyes open, so I am going to go back to bed. I'll be back later with my post about yesterday.
2 comments:
Oh honey!
my heart is breaking for you..
ANY amount of time out in public at this point in the grief process is a victory
((hugs))
I have you on my blog subscriptions...how I stumbled across you I can't remember..but I will be following your blog for sure!
The ten to twelve vials of blood is just horrific-hopefully you will have your answers very soon.
(((Hugs)))
Meghan
http://livebrightly.typepad.com
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