Saturday was the wedding. Tommy looked so handsome and many told me I looked beautiful although I didnt feel that way. I felt on the verge of a breakdown most of the day, but somehow I held it together. I even had a few moments of "fun" and enjoyed myself at times. But it was always there in the back to bring me back to reality. Plus it was really hard to be away from Tommy most of the day. Since he was with the wedding party and all. But we did have a couple nice slow dances where we held each other close. I love him so very much! It was a beautiful wedding and a great party. We fell into bed after 12am, exhausted from the day. Sunday we both slept in. We had a BBQ at the bride & grooms house in the afternoon. Again we were around the baby boy and this time Tommy was holding him. That is even harder than me holding him. All I could think is he should be holding his baby boy, Logan. And that I let both of them down. I know its not my fault but I still cant help feeling guilty and like it was my responsibility. Tommy will be such a wonderful dad and what if b/c of me he never is. Sigh.. I really HATE my life right now. All I want is a healthy baby THAT COMES HOME! I dont think that too much to ask. Grrrrrrr!!!! So after being there a couple hours I was done, but Tommy wanted to stay, so again rather than ask him to come home with me I left him there and went home by myself. And once again the tears flowed, flowed and flowed till there was no more. Thats become my life. THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I WANT!!
Ok so I think that's enough doom and gloom. Here are some pictures from the weekend. Enjoy!
My Handsome Hubby